This morning started out innocent enough. My two teen boys wanted to go to a homeschool teen hangout, and I had two hours to kill before I had to pick them up. Rather than go all the way back home, I reasoned that it would be a great time to run by the shoe store and get the two younger boys some much needed tennis shoes. After all, I had a $10 gift certificate to use, the store had a buy one get one 50% off deal, and everything is an extra 10% off on Tuesdays. Those who know me personally know how much I love a good deal, and this was shaping up to be a major “Cha-ching!”
As we pulled up to the store I lectured my youngest six offspring on the etiquette and manners expected while shoe shopping. They all nodded their heads in understanding, and as we approached the doors, I was confident this would be a pleasant and productive adventure. Hello…I have nine kids, and I thought it would be pleasant to take the youngest six (ages 11, 8, 6, 4, 2, and 5 months) to a shoe store?! Will I ever learn?!
Let the “Fun” Begin
We found the boys’ section, and I lovingly showed my 6 and 4 year old boys which shoes they could choose from….you know, that ones that were “reasonably” priced but not so cheap they’d fall apart in five minutes. I asked them which ones they liked, and they both answered that they didn’t like any of them. I told them to just pick some and try them on. They did…over and over and over again until they’d each tried on at least 10 pairs, and the whole aisle was littered with tissue paper, shoe boxes, and cardboard shoe forms. And did I mention there was a two year old along for the ride on this adventure? As her older brothers tried on pair after pair, little Miss Two Year Old wanted nothing more than to be just like her brothers and try on pair after pair right along with them which only made the heaps of mess surrounding us grow exponentially.
All the while the 11 year old, who is just as OCD as her mom when it comes to organization and neatness, tried to help by putting all the shoes back in the boxes and on the shelves as soon as the boys took them off. This meant I couldn’t determine which shoes were “maybes,” which were, “no’s,” which had been tried on, and which hadn’t. In the middle of it all my husband called to see what I was doing and the baby started crying.
The “Other” Section
Throughout the ordeal the boys had looked over to the “other” section of shoes…You know, the “mommy doesn’t approve of those because they cost too much” section and asked several times if they could try those shoes on. I’d lovingly told them that those were not among their choices this time, and they needed to choose from the ones I’d shown them. They didn’t complain or whine but just went back to trying on shoes from the “approved by mom” section. By the time they had tried on every pair in the “approved” section and determined that they didn’t really like any of them, I was sitting on the floor in a defeated mess of mommy exhaustion.
In one of my less proud mommy moments I told them if they couldn’t find anything they liked then we could just leave and come back another day. Oh, the looks on their precious little faces just melted my frazzled self. They had their hearts set on shoes, and they’d been looking forward to this day for so long. And they really weren’t being difficult or spoiled. They just simply didn’t like the shoes I’d given them to choose from. That’s when I realized I was being selfish. I’d put my desire to get a good deal over their simple longing to have a pair of shoes they liked.
The Lesson I Learned
In that moment I knew those two little boys needed the bright, shiny shoes with the flashing lights. Yes, it’s important to teach our kids how to manage money and that they can’t have everything they want. But today those two boys didn’t need a lesson in economics or materialism. Those two boys needed to know their mom loved them enough to buy them the shoes they loved. And as I looked down at those two pairs of baby blue eyes, I was reminded that in just the blink of an eye those boys will be grown up. And the extra money I spent today will be a memory lost to the years.
So I got down on their level, looked in their eyes, and told them if they wanted to they could try on the shoes in the “other” section. Their eyes lit up and they ran to pick their favorite pairs. Mr. Six Year Old picked a pair called “Max Force” that came with free tattoos. And Mr. Four Year Old picked a green pair with green and blue flashing lights. I asked the sales clerk if she could put the shoes in two bags, and each of the boys proudly carried his shoes out to the car. They couldn’t wait to show their older siblings and their daddy the shoes they’d picked.
Today I spent more money on two pairs of little boy tennis shoes than I spent on my last five pairs combined. And it was some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Y’all parenting is hard. It’s messy, and dirty, and ugly, and uncomfortable, and scary. And at the same time it’s beautiful, and loving, and caring. There’s so much we need to teach these little ones in the few short years we have them, and sometimes it’s hard to know what to teach them and when to teach it. Today I could have tried to teach the boys about being frugal like I wanted to, but they wouldn’t have learned anything because the lesson their hearts needed to learn today was that I loved them. They needed to know my love for them wasn’t limited to an “approved” section of the shoe store, but that my love was big enough to buy them the shoes that made their eyes, and their hearts, light up.
In the time since we got home I’ve heard Mr. Six Year Old tell his older siblings and his dad several times that, “at first mommy said I couldn’t get these, but then she changed her mind.” Often my failures as a mom far outweigh my successes. But today I got at least one thing right. Today I laid down my own desires and bought my boys the most expensive shoes in the store because that’s what said, “I love you,” to their hearts.
